Excited.
 
The word barely does the feeling that flowed through my bones justice as I entered my junior year. But first, let me give you a little explanation as to why I couldn't wait to step on to the floor for my third season.
 
It all started with my first collegiate game. Coach looked at me on the sideline and said, "Itali, go in and serve." This was it, everything I had worked so hard for my whole life, and I couldn't help but feel the enormity of the moment; needless to say, I was nervous. As I ran to sub in for one of our middles, I couldn't help but think how different college volleyball was than high school volleyball. To be honest, I wasn't sure I was ready. Sadly, my premonition would be proven true just a few short moments later.
 
I served the ball to the spot coach had instructed me to, and I ran to right back ready to play defense. As the other team's setter was setting the middle, I started to panic again. Instead of waiting to react to the ball, I immediately put my hands together before their middle had even made contact with the ball (a great way to look like you don't know what you're doing in volleyball). She decided to tip the ball and because I was so off balance (a direct consequence of putting my platform together too early), I literally fell to my knees and the ball hit me in the face. Yup. That's about how freshmen year went for me.
 
My sophomore year, I was ready to put my forgettable freshman year behind me and I worked extremely hard over the summer in order to earn the position of serving specialist. Once I got it, I was determined not to give it up and I worked my butt off all season; it paid off. I couldn't wait to see what I could do with another summer to train and work hard.
 
This past summer, I interned with Fellowship of Christian Athletes Volleyball (FCAV) and I absolutely thrived learning not only to play for Jesus, but with Jesus. It was an intense three-month discipleship program with college volleyball players from across the nation. We played volleyball and trained all the time. I couldn't wait to use the momentum from the internship to put towards my junior year of volleyball.
 
Coinciding with that, I was voted by my teammates to be a team captain for the upcoming season at PLNU. Obviously, I cried. Partially because I was thankful but also because I didn't know why Jesus was blessing me with such an opportunity when I didn't see myself as being able to lead this year's team at all.
 
But God definitely taught me so much this past summer with FCAV that I was ready to be His chosen servant in any way I could. So, as I mentioned when I started, I was fully ready to go when junior season arrived. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically I knew Jesus had prepared me for this next volleyball season. We went through training camp and I simply could not shut up about Jesus, and how excited I was to be a part of this team.
 
Sadly, it was not to be. At least not the way I had initially hoped. During our first official match of the season in our annual Seaside Invitational, I ended up tearing my media patella femoral, along with an MCL sprain and a bone contusion that led to a spider crack. Praise the Lord I didn't need surgery, but the recovery period ended my season—at least in terms of playing.
 
Surprisingly, I found myself at peace with what happened. I remember being on the court in pain, and I just reached out to Jesus. The joy of the Lord is my strength, I said to myself. The more I said it, the more peace I felt in my heart. And it was the kind of peace that only Jesus can provide. I knew there was a purpose for why this happened—something I couldn't fully grasp or understand in that moment. When coach talked to me about being a medical redshirt, I knew it was definitely something I was interested in, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay and use my extra year of eligibility at Loma.
 
After some time to think, I knew there was a pride issue going on in my heart. I had this goal to graduate in four years and then go on to grad school for two more years. I wanted to do things the right way—I felt I would be doing myself a disservice by not graduating "on time" like I had originally planned.
 
It was a conversation with another redshirt on our team (we currently have four) that finally gave me clarity. I have grown to absolutely love Loma; and it seems to me that adults are always talking about how they wish they could go back to their college years and be students all over again. My mindset had always been to hurry out of college so I could finally be an adult, but what was my rush? As the saying goes, I'll never have this opportunity again.
 
God has blessed me with the ability to redshirt this season. I honestly believe that. I get to be at Loma for another year, I get to show Jesus to another group of girls coming into our program, and I get to be a part of this family for a longer time. Who wouldn't want that?  This summer changed me, and the trajectory of my life, just as God knew it would. Doesn't He always seem to be able to see around the corners and into the blind spots we so easily miss? I truly believe He has a larger plan, and me redshirting this season is simply a part of that plan.
 
Yes, being a redshirt has come with many challenges as well. When the team goes away on trips, it can get lonely because the girls I go through life with—my family—is gone. But it only makes the time I spend with them that much stronger.
 
As a redshirt, I've had to learn how to be a servant leader while on crutches and limited to what I could do. But God is bigger than that. He has allowed me to serve His kingdom in ways I never knew possible, and I didn't even need to be on the court to do it. This season of life has only prepared me for the next one, and the one after that.
 
Speaking of next season, I need to go. I have to get back in the gym to prepare. See you on the court next year; I'll be the one who is smiling because not only am I playing for God, but also playing with him.
 
Until then,
 
Itali